Changes

I have not written in a while because our family has been going through some situations that have taken my full focus. I have been extremely sick with this pregnancy to the point of having to go to the Emergency Room for dehydration. Plus I am a full time student that already has a 16 month old child. On top of these things we as a family were dealing with my husband headed in a downward spiral. -Back Story- After my husband came back from Iraq there was a noticeable difference. I had asked before he left if he would come back different, and of course the response was that I had nothing to worry about. I was of course concerned that he would come back missing a limb or with a different personality. He did come back changed. He came back with scars that noaret visible. We, his family, convinced him that he needed to seek some type of help, and thankfully he did. He was diagnosed with PTSD and a few other medical issues that are not obviously clear.(Hearing loss, skin damage, vision problems) With counseling and medication things seemed to be ok. Of course there have been constant sleep issues, drinking problems, outbursts, and lack of motivation. We have been going to couples counseling since he came back from Iraq. These sessions were a great opportunity for me to understand what was taking place with him. -Current Situation- While the counseling and medication was helping to maintain a calmer person my husband was still not the same man as before. Once we found out he would be deploying again we began to plan on how to handle the new stresses. Of course I was concerened because I had seen what the other deployment did, but I knew that I needed to be supportive for my husband. I needed to keep a cheery disposition so he would not worry about the three of us and the rest of his family while he needed to focus on the soldiers in the unit. I tried very hard to take care of everything at home so he would not have to worry about them. I tried to not add to his stress of prepping for the deployment, but no matter how much I was trying to prevent stress for him he was still becoming more agitated. His drinking had already been an issue, but he began lying about how much he was drinking. He would say he was working but would be at a bar instead. He would then come home and try to act like he had not been drinking. The irritation with every little thing was also becoming more apparent. (He has never been physical with our son or myself.) He would just show clear distain for anything that was going on around him. He is only wanting to be at home unless it involves drinking with his friends. Trying to do any type of a family activity is becoming more and more difficult. His sleep issues are also getting worse. On most days he is physically present in the room, but his mind would be somewhere else. It has been difficult for me as his spouse because I have no one else to talk to about what is taking place. I have civilian friends that cry when their husband is gone for a weekend, so when I try to explain the problems we experience they can not relate. Unfortunately, we do not have other Officer's as friends where we live, so I do not feel comfortable talking to the other spouse's in our Unit. How am I supposed to tell them that I am concerend about my husband's capability when he is leading their spouse into another deployment? Many of the spouses in the Unit have not been through a deployment before and are worried enough already. Well, my husband was flagged. He is being looked at for medical issues. When the official e-mail came out that this was the case he was understandable upset. He called me and I could hear it in his voice. He then sent me the e-mail and I began to cry. One would think that they would be happy that their spouse was not deploying again. Which of course I am, but I know how important this is to my husband. I know and understand that much of his identity is based on being an officer in the military. Heck, our family's identity is based on the fact that we are a military family. We are just in the begining phases of this new stage. We have no idea what is going to happen. I just hope that he and we are able to get through the possiblity of this not being our life any longer. The pressure is on me now to finish school as soon as possible, so I can begin to work if he is no longer employed with the military. There are so many Families out there that deal with the hidden damages of war. If you think that your loved one is having issues find help. I am glad we did.